Choices...

Ivan and I had a play date yesterday. We both had a great time and I know that I need to schedule more play dates because we both get a lot out of them. The problem is that most of my friends fit into two categories: no children or working Mom's. I am a full time stay at home Mom. It was never really a decision for J and me it was what we both wanted for our family. Even though I know that this is what is best for my family I understand that this arrangement is not right for every family. I feel very passionately about Mom's staying home with their children, but I understand that this will not work for everyone and I really keep my mouth shut in regards to other's choices. It is always a hot button issue no matter which side you are on and since it really is none of my business, I stay out of it. Why don't my working Mom friends pay me the same respect?

My friend and I were strolling the kids through the neighborhood talking about this that and the other. Eventually we got onto the topic of J and me moving closer to his office. He currently has a 45 mile (one-way) commute and I am traveling at least 30 minutes almost every time I get into the car to get to our shopping, play dates, Bible Study class, etc. So, needless to say we are feeling the desire to move a little closer to the rest of our lives.

With me staying home money is tight. We have a strict budget and we are trying to stick to it as best we can, but there is little wiggle room at this point. My friend does not have the same money concerns that J and I have, in part because she returned to work on a part-time basis when her son was nine months old. Her choice and now they have the money to do some extra things that J and I can't at the moment. Anyway, she was showing me some of the houses in her neighborhood that are for sale. When I said that they were out of our range at the moment she started talking about how I should get a part-time job so that we could afford more house etc. I tried to listen and remain polite, but I was a little frustrated at her insistence. To her credit she was talking about me perhaps looking after some kids in my home eliminating the need for Ivan to attend day-care. However, I feel that if I am caring for other children in my home then I will not be able to be there for Ivan 100% - which is what I feel I am supposed to do as his mother.

Yesterday was not the first time that one of my working Mom friend's has tried to persuade me about the benefits of me working (extra money, Ivan seeing other kids daily and gaining independence from me etc, etc). Their hearts are in the right place, but I wish that they would keep their opinions to themselves.

Staying home or working outside of the home once you have kids is a huge decision and one that almost every Mom and Dad wrestle with at one time or another. It is, in my opinion, one of the most personal decision a couple can make.

J and I have made our decision, and we are thrilled with our choice!

Narrator...

Lately I feel like the narrator of Ivan's life. Since he still isn't really talking, I often try to interpret what his various and sundry doe's and dah's mean. Normally, I am right on target with what he is trying to tell me. He does use Baby Sign a lot and that has really helped with the communication gap, but I often feel compelled to say what he is signing at me just to reinforce the spoken language as well. All of this narration leaves me feeling like the omniscient narrator of a book about the life a toddler. At least I find his little life rather entertaining!

Perfect...

I saw this on another blog last night and it is just so perfect I had to post it here.


I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.
For us to have each other Is like a dream come true!
No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you.
--- Unknown

Ivan's Latest Gig...

Within the past two weeks or so Ivan has started to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star all by himself. It is the cutest thing to hear. He sings the tune with the "doe" sound.

He has always sung to himself, but this is the first tune that he has sung that we know! While we were in Kazakhstan staying in Almaty he would sing right before he drifted off to sleep. I can still hear it. Wah Waaaah Wah, Wah Waaaah Wah.

For me the little things like this are what make me want to cry. Ivan is pure joy.

Sick...

Ivan has been sick almost all week. We are heading to the Dr's office in about 20 minutes to see if he has strep or not. I just want to make it all better and I can't. In fact whenever I have to give him medicine it makes him feel worse (at least in the short term). It's been a tough week.

Sigh...

I don't know where this feeling is coming from lately, but I am feeling SO nostalgic about our trip to Kazakhstan last summer. I miss the intimacy that our little family shared during that time. It isn't that we aren't close here, but there were no outside distractions while we were there and I am really missing that right now. Sometimes life just gets in the way.

Sigh...