Adjusting to a new life...

We returned from Kazakhstan on July 30, 2005 with our son Ivan. Upon our return I went through several stages of adjustment to instant parenthood to a toddler.

First there was the fraud phase. During the first couple of months whenever we left the house I felt like a fraud. If Ivan started to get upset I wasn't always sure what had set him off or what he needed for me to do in order to make things better. Most Mom's of a 16-18 month old know what upsets their child and how to help them. However, I didn't meet my child until he was 15 months old, so I was still learning so much about him at that time. In retrospect,I think that it all came more naturally than I was willing to give myself credit for.

The next phase on our first year journey was the I can't believe he's mine phase. This coincided greatly with the fraud phase. There were times that we would be out and about doing our thing and I would just catch myself looking at Ivan and thinking "What a lovely little boy" almost like I was someone who did not even know him.

Then I moved into the explanation phase where I would feel that I needed to explain why Ivan's eyes looked nothing like mine or J's.

Around Christmas time I really started to feel like Ivan was mine and I began to gain some confidence in my mothering skills.

As the New Year dawned I began to get into the swing of Motherhood and no longer felt compelled to explain about our family. If someone commented on Ivan's unique eyes I would just smile and say thank you. When we first arrived home I was so excited about our adoption journey that I would immediately tell the "complementor" that Ivan was adopted from Kazakhstan and we were so blessed to be united etc, etc.

Now after being home for a full year, I feel totally natural and at ease with my role as Ivan's mom. There are times when I have no clue about how to handle a situation, but now I know that it has nothing to do with being a new parent, it is all just a part of the journey of parenthood.