The first couple of days after Sherman passed I just kept saying that I didn't want to go on without him in our lives. I didn't want life to keep going without him in it. I wasn't suicidal or anything, but I just got so upset at the thought of moving on without him. A few days after we lost Sherman J had some much needed words of wisdom for me. He told me that we needed to move forward and not on. We will never stop loving Sherman, or even stop thinking about him...he was truly our first baby. However, we can't stand still. Life does keep going and I must participate in it. Sherman will move forward with me in my heart. We have pictures of him around the house. We bought a beautiful tree in his honor this week that we will plant in the backyard when the weather cooperates. It has beautiful purple flowers that match his collar color. He always wore a purple collar...it looked so nice with his brown and white fur.
He was my buddy and I miss him the most while Ivan is at preschool and after we put Ivan to bed at night. That was always our Sherman time. He would sit on the couch with us or on the bed while we read. Someone came to the door and delivered phone books the other day and I was oblivious until I went to open the door that afternoon. Sherman would never have let someone get that close to the house without letting me know someone was on his turf!
I still get weepy thinking about him and the huge part that he has played in our lives. Every first without him has been met with tears. There are many more firsts to be met, but at least they will be fewer and farther between than the first week.
In time we will get another dog. I will love that dog tremendously I am sure. However, they won't be Sherman and it will never be my first baby again. Sherman was there for me (and J) during a time when we were not certain that we would ever even be able to have children...he was it and he took good care of us during that very difficult time. He licked away countless tears, tolerated being carried more than he really wanted to be and gave us something else to focus on besides ourselves and our grief.
Sherman did not ask much of us. He just wanted to be loved and cared for and we did that to the best of our abilities. He was to the last day just himself and I miss him.
I am in no hurry to get to the Rainbow Bridge just yet. I want to watch Ivan grow and get old with J, but when it is time to go there I will rejoice at seeing my little man running towards me again.
We love you, Sherman, and we miss you more than words can express.
Goodbye, I love you, and I'll see you when I get there.
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