Daybook post #1

Thanks to Peggy for the Daybook template!

Outside my window...it is 71 degrees and windy.  That is crazy weather for February even for NC!  Tomorrow's high is a much more seasonal 50.  


I am thinking...that the house is quiet.  Ivan is over at Nana and Papa Wayne's playing with his favorite cousin.


I am thankful...for my Bible study this year.  We are studying the book of Amos right now and I feel that it has a lot that I need to hear right now.  It is reminding me not to worry so much about the actions as the heart behind the action.


In the kitchen...homemade pizza tonight.  Yum!!


I am wearing...my standard at home wear.  Bluejeans and a periwinkle colored knit top.


I am creating...yeah, I don't really create, but boy do I love to BAKE!  I will be baking mint brownies and lemon squares tomorrow for a potluck that we are attending Sunday evening.


I am going...nowhere.  I love that statement.  I have no plans to go anywhere until church on Sunday morning.


I am wondering...if my sweet husband will know that I spent the morning vacuuming the whole house.  Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't.  I really like it when he does, I thrive on appreciation.



I am re-reading...The Firm.  I read it about 20 years ago while at the river with one of my good girlfriends.  I could hardly put it down that weekend and am finding the same to be true the second time around.  However, there are so many more distractions nowadays!


I am hoping...to finish this Daybook before anyone else comes home or calls.


I am looking forward to...time with J and Ivan this weekend.  Also, a nice roaring fire all-day tomorrow.


I am learning...that I have very little discipline when it comes to working out.  I decided (along with my best girlfriend) to do 20-30 minutes of Wii Fit 5 days a week for Lent.  I'm on day three and it has been a struggle to get started EACH day!  Once I get going it is no big deal, but getting started is awful for me.  The past three days I have had to tell myself that this was what I chose to do to honor God's sacrifice for me on the cross and that it is NOTHING in comparison to what He gave for me.


Around the house...things look pretty good, if I do say so myself.


I am pondering...nothing at the moment.


A favorite quote for today...It's the hard that makes it great.  If it wasn't hard then anyone could do it.  -Jimmy Dugan from a League of Their Own


One of my favorite things...is watching Project Runway.  I LOVE that show.


A few plans for the rest of the week: Ivan is on Winter Break next week for three days.  We will be spending some extra time together and I am looking forward to not having as much structure as we normally do during the week.  Remind me I said that next Thursday, ok?


A peek into my day...quiet really.  I vacuumed and straightened the house.  Picked-up Ivan from school and went by the library (which was closed oddly enough) and then took him to my parents house to play with his cousin.  Sorry no picture today!

Praise the Lord for GOOD NEWS!

I had my mammogram and ultrasound today and all is clear!  The Dr's did not see anything that gave them alarm.  However, I was strongly urged to keep a check on the lump that I found and to let them know if I notice any changes in it.  So the first of each month I am to check things out. 

God is good and I am so relieved. 

A New Addition...

Today we added a new member to our family. Welcome Oliver Twist the Cairn Terrier! Oliver turned 8 weeks old today. Here's to many happy years in our family!

Puppy Blues...

Poor Ivan. He is just devastated at the news we received last night. The puppy that we thought was going to be the new member of our family is not doing well. Our breeder called and said that she is not comfortable allowing him to come home with us since his health appears questionable.

We are trying to remind Ivan that things happen in God's time and not ours, but it is a hard lesson, no matter how old you are. I'm just praying for Ivan to continue to be patient. We are the first in line for the next litter that will be ready to come home in about a month.

Poor kid.

Losing my mind!

It's been a long couple of weeks around here. Niece sleepovers two parties at school in as many weeks and hardly anytime for me to breath. I am gratefully looking forward to this weekend with no commitments whatsoever. I'm so zapped that I just tried to hand J Ivan's juice complete with lid and straw. Calgon take me away!

All over the place for 10 minutes...

I write in here so rarely. What a pity really as I was planning on using this as my "memory book" for Ivan one day. There are several unfinished posts in my drafts folder with thoughts jotted down that were intended to become entries at one time or another. Some may most won't.

I'm slowly but surely turning the corner on my grief for Sherman. March 4th will be one year since I was last able to rub my favorite ears in all the world. I am slowly opening myself to the thought of another dog in our home. Decisions, decisions.

We have been blessed with the opportunity for another trip to Disney World in April. Thanks to a monetary gift at Christmas and the use of a friend's timeshare we will be heading to "The World" a whole lot sooner than we ever thought possible. This trip will be SO different from the one we took last year. We are travelling with my sister and her family for starters. We are driving and staying off property. We will be on a major budget with no dinning plan to splurge with. However, it's all good...we are going to get to see Ivan at Disney World while he is still unaware of "coolness" and worrying about others. Blessings abound.

That's ten (very interrupted) minutes. I'll try to do this again when Ivan is not home and my niece is not here too!

A Week of Firsts

Ivan started Kindergarten last Monday. Today he broke his arm on the playground at school. What a week! More to come...

Alone

I sit here tonight in a completely empty house for the first time in almost 13 years of marriage. J and Ivan are at J's parent's house for the night. His parents live about 2 1/2 hours from us and I sent the boys there without me for once. It's been a wonderful, busy and somewhat stressful summer and I needed a little time to myself. Dad's surgery was tough and his hospital recovery was even tougher, but thank the good Lord he is home now and on the mend. He is getting stronger by the day. Ivan participated in swim team for the first time this summer, so many of my days were filled with swim practice and Tuesday evenings were full of the swim meets themselves. Not to mention two sessions of VBS (both execellant). Now the count-down to Kindergarten has begun. Just a little over two weeks until my little man is off to "big boy school". That, however, is for a different time.

Tonight I have enjoyed the silence, the selfish TV time and a good dinner from one of my favorite resturants (and my favorite pino griogio too!). Now, I am off to bed...alone. This is the part of the evening I have not been looking forward to. Not only is J not here to snuggle with but there will be no Sherman at the side of the bed to make me feel safe. When J used to travel for business and I spent many an evening alone, I always had Sherman with me. He would typically (in the old house) stay not under our bed as he usually did when J was home, but he would sleep in his chair that sat right by the front door. Therefore making me feel safe...since no one could get to me without encountering Sherman first. I know that God is in this house protecting me and in a way Sherman is too. However, it still feels a little weird as I am about to crawl into bed knowing that I am totally alone for the first time in my entire married life.

Prayer Request...again

So, my Dad came home from the hospital just over a year ago...a walking miracle. Well, when he left the hospital he had two drains attached to him. One drains the fluid from his pancreas, and the other drains the fluid from his gallbladder. After an infection in his gallbladder, likely caused by the drain, in March where Dad had to spend four long days in the hospital he and his Dr. decided that it was time to remove the drains and redo his "plumbing" inside. He has his surgery Monday morning, June 15 at 7:30 AM.

I'm scared. We've already gotten him back once, will we get him back again? The surgery is pretty major - the least of it being that his gallbladder will be removed and possibly even a portion of his pancreas and spleen. It is scheduled to take anywhere from 4 to 6 hours.

Should you come across this post and feel led to pray for my Dad, thank you. The power of prayer is immeasurable. We serve an Awesome Lord and all things are possible through Him! I pray that it is His will to see Daddy safely through this surgery and recovery and to allow him a full and complete recovery and a long healthy life from here forward.

I SO excited about the beach!

This has been Ivan's refrain for the past 5 days and tomorrow we finally leave for the beach. Ivan is looking forward to spending time with two of his favorite cousins, his favorite aunt and uncle, and of course with Nana and Papa Wayne. He is also thrilled about the beach house that my parents have rented for all of us for the week. Of course he is looking forward to playing in the sand and surf and everything else that accompanies a family vacation at the beach.

For me however, there is all of that and so much more this year. My Dad will be with us. There was a time, not too many months ago, when I was not sure that would be possible ever again. In fact, when my Dad was unconscious my sister and I would sit with him and hold his hands. We would tell him to "keep fighting Daddy" and to think about the beach this summer and to think about the kids piling sand on his feet and calling them frog houses or crab condos. It was one of the things that we would remind him of almost every day. I know that Daddy survived his pancreatitis because of God's grace and his strong will to live, but I also know that part of that will to live comes from the desire to see his grand kid's grow-up. He doesn't remember anything about his time while he was unconscious or much from when he first regained consciousness. However, I do believe that this week will be very rewarding for my sister and me as we watch our children do exactly what we told Papa Wayne they would do with the sand and his feet. I know that I will be emotional this week at the beach just thinking about how we almost lost Dad this year - and never saw it coming. I don't mind though, because I So excited about the beach too.

What if...

Daddy came home six weeks ago or so, praise The Lord, and his total recovery (including kidney function!!) has been a true miracle to behold. However, I am still dealing with the fact that we almost (and statistically speaking should have) lost him. I am so thankful that we did not of course, but I still find myself thinking about what this or that would be like if he had not come home. It's eerie really and I would like to move on, but it has been harder than I thought it would. I wonder sometimes if I have these thoughts to keep me thankful that he is here and to help me to appreciate the "extra time" that I feel we have all been given with him. I don't know why I do it, but I do several times a week. Perhaps time will heal this as it does many things, or it may be my way of keeping me focused on appreciating my Dad even more than I did before he got sick. God will use these thoughts to His purpose if I will only allow Him to.

Sometimes. Maybe. Yes?

I don't know what is going on with me lately. J asked me while my Dad was still in the hospital if I was interested in adopting again. At the time I said no, I am quite satisfied with our little family just the way it is. I did qualify that statement with the fact that I was so emotionally spent from Daddy's illness that I couldn't be certain that I was being totally honest. Well, now I can say that perhaps that answer wasn't completely honest.

I find myself wanting another child from time to time. However, there are so many obstacles to us adopting again I get tired just thinking about them all. I know that without a doubt it would all be worth it in the end. There is just so much more to consider this time. Here are a list of some of the issues that make adopting again more difficult and challenging for us:

*First and foremost is that we would turn Ivan's life upside down if we were to bring home a little brother or sister. He is quite happy as an only child and I quite enjoy being able to lavish my love and attention on him without compromise

*Another thing that bothers me is that I am not sure that Sherman could handle us adopting again. He has aged more than I care to admit over the past year (he is 12.5 now) and I fear that having to "break in" another child would just be too much for him

*I like the way our family fits together. The three of us work well together as a family and we all kind of know what to expect

*Gathering all of the paperwork takes a lot of time and concentration, but I have Ivan at home with me and that makes it even more challenging

*I really don't want to list this one for fear of it being mis-understood but it is a big factor. The cost of international adoption is great. If we were to go back then we would use all of our safety-net plus some. We would likely have to use money that is not ours (ie. home equity loan) and then we would have no fall back money. I'm at home full time and so we are making it all work on one income and it is tight already. The money part scares me...I must admit.

*The travel time has increased since we adopted three years ago. It is now either two trips that equal something like 6 weeks or one long trip that could be as many as 9 weeks. No matter how you slice it, that is a lot of time!

*********************************************************************************

J and I have been talking more openly about a second child since I started writing this post in June. We have also been praying about it a lot more asking God to quiet our desires so that we can truly hear His will about what we are to do. I've backed off reading other adoption blogs and tried to go about daily life with a quiet heart. It's worked to some extent as I no longer feel feverish about the whole thing. I'll keep praying about it all and when a clear answer has been given (it may take years) I'll let you know!

Home Coming...at Last!

My Dad has not set foot in his own home since February 18 of this year. Something like 116 days. However, tomorrow he will finally and joyfully be coming home. God is so good and has healed Daddy more fully and more quickly than I ever could have asked for. God is GREAT!!

God is love and grace and compassion and MY savior! Thank you Lord for the love, grace and compassion that you have shared with me and my family throughout this entire ordeal.

More soon, but now I am tired. It's been one hell of a ride to get to this point.

Praise God that we are at this point!

An eye opening experience...

My family has always been blessed with good health, until Daddy's bout with pancreatitis. The whole ordeal of having a loved one so sick for so long is a totally new road for my family and it has proven to be eye opening in some ways.

My Mom is a very independent woman. She has had trouble allowing people to help her throughout this whole ordeal. She has shouldered far more on her own than I would like for her to have, but she won't share some of the duties with others and she never complains. My Mom is a rock...no news there, I've always known that. Usually, I would describe my Mom as an optimistic soul. She usually sees the bright side and doesn't go down pessimistic roads unless she has to. After about the second full week of Dad's illness though she has been less and less able to be her usual optimistic self. When the nurses and Dr's were trying to prepare her that Dad might not make it she lost some of her ability to "look on the bright side". Who could blame her. Here was her husband, best friend and buddy fighting the fight of his life and possibly not winning in the end. After Dad rallied a bit from that lowest time, Mom has had a very difficult time trusting that there would be a good outcome in the end. In fact, sometimes when she would start to hope again, something else would come along and knock her down. I only hope once this is all over (and I really hope to be able to say that soon) Mom will be able to trust that Dad is back with her. There will be changes, possibly dialysis for the rest of his life, certainly some lifestyle changes as far as how he eats, and their future will be effected. They had planned to have Mom retire in October and then the travelling would begin. Now, all of that is in question. Will Dad's health ever return to a level that they will feel comfortable travelling? Lord, I hope so as they have waited for this for so long.

My sister on the other hand has proven to be an eternal optimist. Always keeping her eye on when Dad would get better and not if he got better. C has only lost her hopeful spirit once during a very low weekend when the Dr's and nurses were hammering at us that they did not feel good about Dad's outcome. I honestly never knew my sister was such an optimist. She alone has believed with almost unwavering certainly that Dad would come back to us in the end. I really admire that about her, but know that it is not my way.

I have reaffirmed the knowledge that I had about myself throughout this whole thing. I go to the worst place first and work back from there. As long as I know he will come back to us, I can handle it. So the times that we were not sure that he would come back to us were utterly devastating for me. Had I not had the Lord and my wonderful husband to lean on, I don't think that I could have come out to see the light for a long, long time. That would have been a shame because I have such a bright light shinning here in my son.

My Mom and Ivan and his two cousins are also the light that has helped my Dad to fight and stay with us throughout this whole ordeal. Once he is back on his feet, I know that the one thing that he will insist does not change is his time with the grandkids. I can't wait to get back there.

There is one person who has sustained me throughout this whole ordeal; and while that support was not exactly eye opening, it has been one of the things that has kept me going. The love and total support that J has given to me throughout this time is unparallelled in my life. He has been there for me in every way imaginable. He has picked me up when I was on the floor with grief and worry, he has taken care of everything that I just couldn't handle including Ivan, cooking, cleaning and many other things. He has been my life support system throughout this time of trial and I don't know what I would have done without him. Every time that I dash out the door to the hospital he kisses me and says stay as long as you need or want to, we'll be fine. It is that complete and total freedom that has allowed me to be with my Dad as much as I felt I needed to be. J's motto throughout this whole time has been "this isn't forever, do what you need to do". I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man by my side for life. Thank you Lord for bringing him my way 14 years ago.

Prayer Request...Update (4/13/08)

My Dad is sick. He has been in the ICU since Monday February 18, 2008. He is suffering from an acute attack of pancreatitis caused possibly by gallstones. It took until Friday (Feb 22) for us all to really understand how serious this is for Daddy. He was awake until Thursday and then they sedated him to help him not be so uncomfortable. He awoke a few times on Sunday while I was there and he squeezed my hand really tight while I looked him in the eye and told him how much I love him. I am anxiously awaiting the next time we can really communicate.

There are many things that could go wrong at this point and no one is sure what the outcome will be for Daddy. There is nothing that we can do for him at this point other than pray and that is what we are all doing. We have faith in the Lord and in the Dr.'s and nurses that God has placed in the ICU where Daddy is now.

Should you feel led to pray for my Daddy then I ask you to please pray for complete healing and restoration of my Dad's body.

From the bottom of my heart...thank you.

Charlotte

Update: My Dad is still in ICU and still very sick. We are seeing some slight signs of improvement, but nothing to indicate that we are in the clear at this time. With every positive there seem to be two negatives. The Dr's took some fluid from around his pancreas today and will be watching a culture for infection over the next 48 hours. We are praying that the culture will stay negative. The Dr's are not very confident that he can survive the surgery/recovery at this point. So again I ask for your prayers for a negative culture and that he continues to make some (however slight) forward progress. I want my Daddy (Ivan's Papa Wayne) back with us!


Update 2: The Dr.'s have decided, at this time, not to pull the fluid from around Dad's pancreas. They feel that the procedure itself could be dangerous for him. Also, there are no signs of infection at this time (thank you Lord) as his white blood cell count is within normal ranges and he does not have a fever. Now we would all like to see Daddy's kidney's and lungs start to work a little better on their own.

Update 3 (3/6/08): Last night my Mom called and told me that the Dr's at the hospital have decided to move my Dad to another hospital in our area (about 25 miles west). This hospital is supposed to have a team that is more experienced with severe cases of pancreatitis. We are still praying that surgery will not be necessary and that Daddy can pull through this and come back to us. My Mom is struggling and misses her husband tremendously. They have been married for 43 years as of last week.

Update 4 (3/10/08): Wow, it has been three weeks since Daddy went to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. Since then we (my Mom, sister and myself) have learned a lot about the human body and the digestive system in particular. They did another ct scan of Daddy's pancreas last night and said that it "looks like a bomb went off in there". Meaning that it is no wonder he is still so swollen inside. Also, praise the Lord there was no sign of infection in his pancreas at this time, so no one is talking about needing surgery right now. Dad has not been responding to us lately and we were beginning to fear that he may have had a stroke. However, the Dr's ran a brain ct scan last night as well and saw that his brain activity was normal. One Dr. told Mom this morning during her visit that when you are older (Daddy is 67) it can take longer to come out from the meds than a younger person and he has been "down" on the meds for a fairly long while now. So we are thanking the Lord that there were no signs of diminished brain activity and we hope to see Daddy coming out more as they lower the medication.

Update 5 (3/12/08): Yesterday afternoon my sister and I went over to visit with Dad. He is still not responding as well as the nurses and Dr's would like to simple commands (squeeze my hand etc). However, C and I received several spontaneous squeezes and a few (weak) smiles as we talked to him. He is clearly uncomfortable and that is tough to see. He moves around all the time and just can't seem to get settled. Today the Dr's are going to add a drain to the long list of things they are doing to help him get better. They will be placing a line in his abdomen (close to the pancreas) and it will hopefully help to reduce the amount of fluid that is in his abdomen. The other concern is that his white blood cells are climbing (slightly). They ordered cultures on everything again yesterday to see if there is any infection present...we are praying that they all come back negative and that he does not have any infections.

My mom just emailed her latest update with some great news: "The best news today is that he is off the ventilator for several hours (they are putting a lot of oxygen past his breathing tube) and he seems to be tolerating it well. The goal would be to wean him off the ventilator entirely if he can handle it." So thank you Lord for some positive news today!!

Update 6 (3/16/08): What a difference a week can make when the Lord is in charge! Daddy is off of the ventilator entirely now...they even removed it from his room. He is responding to yes/no questions with a shake or a nod of his head and he clearly is "with" us mentally. He is tired and the pain med that he is on exaggerates the effect. We are all so thrilled to see him with us again I just can't express how happy that makes all of us. We all know that we still have a long way to go until Dad comes home, but we are thinking more along the lines of when and not if...thanks to God. We are still praying that no infection enters his body and his pancreas in particular, but for now we are feeling very encouraged and grateful.

Update 7 (3/18/08): It was on February 18 that this whole ordeal started for my Dad and today March 18 (Ivan's 4th birthday) we received the news that, when a bed is available, Dad can leave the ICU!! Praise the Lord for this wonderful (big) step in the right direction. Daddy will be sent to what the Dr's and nurses refer to as a "step-down unit". It is not as "intense" as the ICU but not as "free" as the regular floors. Dad's pancreas is currently producing some insulin and they have taken him off of the insulin drip as of this morning. He is suffering from a slight case of pneumonia, but the Dr's have assured us that this is normal when coming off of the ventilator. May the good news keep on coming!

Update 8 (3/26/08): What a week it has been! Dad is now in the step down unit. He has been receiving limited Physical Therapy (PT) and they have had him sitting on the edge of the bed and even sitting in a recliner!! These steps are huge considering where we were a few weeks ago. He still has the breathing tube in, but they are planning to start to downsize the tube this week and if all goes well, it may be removed next week. We still have miles to go and some Dr's have even said that it may take up to a year for Dad to return to his pre-illness strength and stamina levels. We, however, are just praising God for keeping Daddy with us and slowly but surely restoring his health. God is so good!!

Update 9 (3/31/08): Daddy continues to improve every day. He now has a valve on the breathing tube that allows him to talk and he has been allowed to drink water on his own this weekend, which he is enjoying very much. They are doing a swallowing evaluation today, and we hope he will be allowed to go on whatever diet they think is appropriate. He is off all antibiotics at the moment, and our hope is that the trach tube can come out as long as the pneumonia is gone. He is still in the step-down unit, but they have talked of putting him in a regular room any day now. He has been sitting in a chair several times, and has taken a few steps with a lot of support. PT should be there today to start his more vigorous rehab. We are all continuing to stand amazed at God's grace in the healing of my Dad. I feel like there is a light at the end of this very long and dark tunnel.

Update 10 (4/01/08): Happy Birthday Dad and welcome to your new room! He was moved to a regular room today...what a great present! The Dr's are encouraged to see that Daddy can eat on his own (he needs a little help with cutting but that is all). He is back on real food and so far so good. There was a time that I was not certain we would be able to celebrate Dad's birthday this year. Thank you Lord for bringing him back to us!

Update 11 (4/10/08): Last night we had a bit of a scare. Daddy's Blood Pressure (BP) dropped dangerously low...like 60/30. Really, scary, low. Praise the Lord that all seems better today. The Dr's think that it may be due to dehydration as Daddy is really struggling with eating and drinking enough at this point. He can eat, but he is not at all interested in food or drink and it has become a bit of a battle between him and the rest of us. Dad was moved back to ICU in order to keep a closer (read constant) watch on his BP and heart rate. As of this morning they were fine and we are all please to see him perking up a bit. Lord, please continue to sustain him and give him more strength with each passing day.

Update 12 (4/13/08): My Dad's low BP has most likely resulted from an infection somewhere. We are still waiting to hear where and for his BP to remain above 90 without meds. I am frightened right now, and need the Lord's help to stop all of this worrying that I am doing. Lord, please help his body to restore itself and soon.

Thanks again for taking the time to pray for a stranger who desperately needs all he can get.

Why won't he sleep?

I have been through this several times now with Ivan, so why is it still so upsetting?

Ivan is still napping for an hour to an hour and half every day. I put him in his bed and tell him that he does not have to go to sleep, but that he needs to have some quiet time. He goes to sleep almost every day. At bedtime however, he stays awake until J and I go to bed and sometimes long after. Like last night for instance...he was wide awake at midnight. I finally went in there and yelled at him that he needed to be quiet and go to sleep. Not the way I really want to end our day. Then this morning he did not want to get up and it took me 10 minutes or more to get him out of bed. He had preschool this morning so it was imperative that he get up and get going in a timely manner.

He napped again this afternoon and I am planning on putting him to bed early because he is a basket-case from being so tired. I am at my wits end about this and I just don't know what to do to get him to sleep.

I will admit that there is a part of me that thinks getting rid of nap time is the answer but then there is a part of me that needs for him to nap, so that I get a midday break. Perhaps the answer is to give him a real quiet time and not do it in his bed. I'm just not quite sure how to make that happen. This parenting thing is tough and I just hope that I am on the right track.

Knots in my stomach...

We've been potty training intensely for three and half days now. Ivan is doing great. Mom, however, is all tied up in knots. I never thought that the "wanting your child to succeed"stress would occur so early-on. I thought that this type of ulcer-causing stress came later when you watched them start High School or College or Med. School or whatever, but not potty training!

In short I am a mess.



This morning we had our first outing with big boy pants on. Ivan desperately needed a haircut and Liz (my stylist that cuts his hair too) was on vacation all last week so she squeezed us in this morning at 10:45. I thought of little else all day yesterday, trying to plan for success. When Ivan woke-up this morning he had his usual glass of milk (strawberry and chocolate please) and a yogurt bar for breakfast. The plan was to keep all other liquids away from him until we were safely home again. Well, we went to brush our teeth at 10 and before I even realized it Ivan was downing his "rinse water". It didn't even register with me that he was drinking until he was almost finished. The already existing knot in my stomach began to grow. Then the doubt crept in..."Should I put him in a diaper, should I put the rubber training pants on him, should I cancel the appointment all together?" Then sanity knocked on the door and I chilled out a little bit. I decided that the only way that he was ever going to learn what to do was to do it...so we had a potty time before we left the house and again when we got to Liz's. He produced results on both occasions much to my relief. When the haircut was over his pants were dry and all was well with the world.

But wait there's more!





Ivan really dislikes getting his haircut. He loves Liz, but doesn't like anyone messing with his hair (except Mom). Since I know that I would butcher it, he must suffer and sit in Liz's chair. Since he dislikes it so much he can make it rather difficult to cut. To avoid this I promised him a special surprise this morning if he sat still for Miss Liz. I had to pull that one out several times while we were there, but in the end it worked and Ivan got a great haircut. As Liz was snipping along she asked me what the surprise was. I was panicked. I hadn't thought of anything yet, I was flying by the seat of my pants on this one and now I was busted! I blurted out that we were going to McDonald's for lunch and a little play land time. What? What did I just say? As though I wasn't already sweating our outing enough I had extended it! Had I lost my mind? In short, yes I had. Unfortunately, Ivan was all ears and immediately started saying "McDonald's Mommy?" meaning "Are we going to cheeseburger heaven, Mommy?" What was I to do? I couldn't let my little one down. I had said it and so it was to be. Despite the knot in my stomach which was beginning to feel like a boulder, we drove to the house of cheeseburgers and had two more successful potty times. Ivan ate his lunch and played on the indoor play equipment for awhile, until Mom could take no more of it.

We drove straight home and as we did so I could feel the knot unraveling inside my stomach. A huge smile of relief crossed my face as we entered the house. Ivan had done it. He had gone out in big boy pants and had kept them clean and dry the entire time.

One knot creating incident down, 3 million to go!

It Feels Like Home...

Before we moved to our new home my sister shared a warning with me. She advised me not to be surprised if the new house did not feel like home for a while. She admitted that it took her almost two years to really consider their new house their home. She said that with your fist house it is just that, your first house. It takes little to no time to consider it your own. However, the second house seems to take awhile to "break-in". I appreciated the advice and really started to prepare myself for that feeling of I live here, but it isn't home yet.

I am thrilled to say though that nothing could be further from the truth for me! This house has felt like home from the day we moved in...literally It is remarkable but both J and I feel this way about the house. There is work to be done but it just feels right. That is not to say that our old house did not feel like home, it did...but it was J and C's home, not the house we plan to raise Ivan (and maybe some day another one) in.

I am attributing this instant comfort to the fact that this was the house that God had set aside for us all along. Despite my insistence (at the time) that the other house we bid on first was the right house. J was never as comfortable with the other house, but I was CERTAIN that it was the one for us. In truth, I was seduced by all of the wrong things and God knew it and spared us from making that mistake. He hardened the hearts of the seller's to our offers because He knew where we were supposed to be...I just wouldn't listen.

Thank you Lord for sparing me from my own short-sightedness. Thank you Lord for putting us right where we need to be.

Insomniac...

I don't know what is going on in my house, but no one is sleeping...including Sherman. The fact that Ivan goes in "sleep phases" is nothing new, but this total wacko sleep cycle (if you can even call it a cycle) is baffling me completely. Here is what's been going on here lately:


First we moved to a our new house about three weeks ago. Ivan hasn't seemed to skip a beat since the move...everything has been normal until very recently.


We have been semi-intensely working on Potty Training the last two weeks. By semi-intensely I mean we talk about using the potty ALL the time, Ivan sits on the potty several times throughout the day, he has pee peed in the potty on some occasions and he has worn his "big boy pants" a few times with only one accident (and it was a huge mess - thankfully on the kitchen floor and no where else).


To add to all that Ivan has finally bitten a hole into his final bah bah (pacifier). When we moved he had four bahs left and when he would hand me one that had been bitten through I would inform him that when he bit through the last one, there would be no more. The other night he handed me the final bah (with a tiny hole bitten through the tip) and said "No!". Ivan has only been using his bah bahs at nap and night night for about a year and half now, but they are somewhat of a security item for him so we will see how the "loss" of them affects him and his sleep.

Funny, when I write all of this out it seems somewhat obvious why he hasn't been sleeping too well. The little guy's world is changing so fast.

*****Edited to add*****
J put Ivan to bed last night at 7:15 and we never heard a peep. J put me to bed at 9:45 and never heard a peep. It is currently 7:50 AM Tuesday morning and Ivan is still asleep...hopefully this will put him back on track and the rest of us as well. We shall see!

Homesick...

Last night as J and I gratefully fell into our bed I was totally overcome with emotion. I love our new house and the location can't be beat, but I was feeling homesick. I wasn't pinning away for our old house as much as I was tired of not knowing where anything is. Every time I go to look for something, I have to think about it. Is it in a box? Is it put away in it's new place? If so, where is that place? I was just tired of it all and so I fell asleep crying and missing the familiarity that comes from living in a place for 9 years.