The Way We Were...

Last night J and I had our first official "date night" since we took custody of Ivan on July 20. When we started the adoption process in August 2004 we purchased season tickets for our local theatre thinking that we would have 4 guaranteed "date nights" starting in February 2005. Little did we know that we would only get to use one of those nights after Ivan came home. When we started the adoption process, things were going very smoothly and we thought that we would be home sometime in February, March at the latest.

J had to go into the office yesterday afternoon so we just met at my parents house after Ivan's afternoon nap. My parents had been chomping at the bit since we got home to have Ivan all to themselves for an evening and this was their chance. We are so blessed to have free babysitters within a 30 minute drive.

J and I decided to go to a new restaurant in town. We arrived on the early side since our play started at 7. We were seated at a nice little table and immediately began to peruse the menu. We slipped into our usual easy conversation style and just lost ourselves in the ease of dining out without a toddler for a few minutes. Then the waitress brought our wine out and we toasted to "glimpses of our old life".

As we walked down the street towards the auditorium where the play was to be held, I looked down and noticed that we were holding hands just like we always did in our "old life". I looked over at J and said "Wow, I have missed this." I realized at that moment that we have hardly held hands since we got home at the end of July. When we go out for our evening walks one of us is pushing the stroller and the other is holding Sherman's leash. We just don't have enough hands at the moment.

I miss little things like that with J...just holding hands. However, I know that all too quickly we will have free hands again. After almost 9 years of marriage as "just the two of us" we are having to get used to little changes like this. Most of the time it is just fine and I don't really think about "the way things used to be", but sometimes I miss it.

J and I are still husband and wife and not just Mom and Dad. However, there are times when you are just Mom and Dad and rarely times when you are just husband and wife anymore. During those husband and wife times, in the back of your mind you are still Mom and Dad. That's just the reality of it, at least for us.

I think that is why it hit me so last night when we were holding hands walking down the street last night, that used to be the way we always walked...holding hands. However, now things have changed and holding hands is a bit of a treat.

We have only just begun our journey into parenthood and I know that throughout the journey many things will change over the years. J and I will just have to keep having our date nights and enjoying our precious time alone. Then one day, before I know what has happened, Ivan will be off at college and we will have time together like we did before we were blessed with Ivan. Then I will long for him to be home more often and to drop in for dinner anytime.

I guess that once you become parents, you never really go back to the way things were...and that's ok with me. I really love our new life together and I am looking forward to the rest of the journey.