A New Addition...

Today we added a new member to our family. Welcome Oliver Twist the Cairn Terrier! Oliver turned 8 weeks old today. Here's to many happy years in our family!

This That and The Other...

This is as they say a "catch-all" entry.

Tomorrow Ivan finishes Kindergarten. What, how, when? This blessing of a year has gone by SO fast that I find that I am rather shaken by the speed of it. How did we get here so fast? I am so proud of how well Ivan has handled the intense academics that have been handed to him this year as well as many new social situations too. He has handled everything with a maturity and grace that really is rare in a six year old boy. J likes to say that Ivan is an old soul...I think he is really on to something there.

Last weekend I was so fortunate to spend a night away with my best girlfriend, S. We went to a large city that is kind of half way between our two homes. We laughed, shopped and ate until we dropped the following afternoon at the time of our departure. We usually like to have a "mission" when we shop and this time it was to find me a new handbag. I found one alright. The black and white one on the left. Notice the price? Yeah, me too. I'm just too darn practical to spend that kind of money on a handbag. I could justify it in that I typically keep a handbag (and use it everyday) for three or more years. My current one has been with me since I left the diaper bag behind 4 years ago. However, I just can't spend that much on something for me. No way. So, I will look on ebay and call the Coach outlet stores every few months just in case it should lower by more than 50% into a range that I MIGHT consider. For now though, I found a wonderful bag that is similar in shape and size and was only a fraction of the cost of THE bag.

Ivan and J are out fishing with my Dad right now. Ivan has never fished before, and I can't wait to hear all about it. He has been into "man time" since my absence last weekend. J planned a jammed packed weekend of fun while I was away, so it came as no great shock when Ivan asked when I would be leaving again. I always tell J that "I can't teach him how to be a man, that's your department." So far he's doing a great job!

We should be getting the puppy in just a couple of weeks. We are all SO excited! It will be an adjustment for sure, but the good times will far outweigh the bad times. Sherman's life was proof of that.

Life here is good. We are blessed to have a lovely home, a great school for Ivan, each other and of course an ever growing relationship with God. Life is good.

Puppy Blues...

Poor Ivan. He is just devastated at the news we received last night. The puppy that we thought was going to be the new member of our family is not doing well. Our breeder called and said that she is not comfortable allowing him to come home with us since his health appears questionable.

We are trying to remind Ivan that things happen in God's time and not ours, but it is a hard lesson, no matter how old you are. I'm just praying for Ivan to continue to be patient. We are the first in line for the next litter that will be ready to come home in about a month.

Poor kid.

Moms and Muffins...

This morning Ivan and his class hosted Moms and Muffins. I totally forgot about it since we were at Disney last week. However, God did not forget. He placed it in my mind as I was in the line at the bank. I raced over to school and was 15 minutes late, but I got there and this wonderful little gem was waiting for me when I arrived.

Mothers are special...

This is how my mother looks...her is really tall. Her has brown eyes, like me.

Her age is...37.

She really likes to...read with me and play games.

She likes to cook...pizza...but she buys it! She cooks french fries.

My mother does not like it when I...draw on something I'm not to.

I make my mother happy when I...clean up my room and do my chores in one day!

My mother is special because...her is my mother!

Ivan's teacher read all of these out loud (the part I missed) then the children served us a muffin, some wonderful strawberries and a drink. Then they cleared our plates and we were able to visit and enjoy the rest of the day together. What a blessing and to think that I almost missed it! Praise the Lord that I did not!!

When you wish upon a star...

We are off to the house the mouse built for a week! I'm sure that there will be plenty to share when we return. We are all SO excited!!

TTFN!

Happy Birthday!

Today is Ivan's 6th birthday! Wow, time flies when you are having fun!!

I wanted to say no...

This afternoon I was feeling a little blah. Not sad exactly, but not my usual self for sure. I was on the couch in the den when Ivan came in from his playroom. He climbed right onto my lap and we were face to face. He asked me what I was doing and I asked him what he was doing and then he asked me if I wanted to go out and play basketball* with him. I wanted to say no. I wanted to say no way, I am sitting here feeling all blah and I don't want to get off of the couch and go outside where it is cold. But I didn't. I looked into those wonderful, brown eyes and said "Sure, that would be great". I knew it would lift my mood and that those are the moments that memories are made. I was right. We had a great time, a ball in fact. J joined us about halfway through and it became a family moment. Life is good.


*Basketball at this time/age is passing the ball, dribbling the ball and very little shooting. He loves it though and that is enough for me.

Another First...

Tonight Ivan read ME a bedtime story. It was book 1 from his summer enrichment program that we purchased from school. He saw it in our room and wanted to practice a little and voila! I got a bedtime story. Love that kid!!

Losing my mind!

It's been a long couple of weeks around here. Niece sleepovers two parties at school in as many weeks and hardly anytime for me to breath. I am gratefully looking forward to this weekend with no commitments whatsoever. I'm so zapped that I just tried to hand J Ivan's juice complete with lid and straw. Calgon take me away!

All over the place for 10 minutes...

I write in here so rarely. What a pity really as I was planning on using this as my "memory book" for Ivan one day. There are several unfinished posts in my drafts folder with thoughts jotted down that were intended to become entries at one time or another. Some may most won't.

I'm slowly but surely turning the corner on my grief for Sherman. March 4th will be one year since I was last able to rub my favorite ears in all the world. I am slowly opening myself to the thought of another dog in our home. Decisions, decisions.

We have been blessed with the opportunity for another trip to Disney World in April. Thanks to a monetary gift at Christmas and the use of a friend's timeshare we will be heading to "The World" a whole lot sooner than we ever thought possible. This trip will be SO different from the one we took last year. We are travelling with my sister and her family for starters. We are driving and staying off property. We will be on a major budget with no dinning plan to splurge with. However, it's all good...we are going to get to see Ivan at Disney World while he is still unaware of "coolness" and worrying about others. Blessings abound.

That's ten (very interrupted) minutes. I'll try to do this again when Ivan is not home and my niece is not here too!

The Second Quarter...

We had reading night at Ivan's school a few nights ago. It was a time for his teacher to brief us parents on what the children have been doing and what they are about to start doing. It was one jam-packed hour of information. The least of which was the receipt of his second report card. Ivan is continueing to do well in school...verse, counting, respectfulness/polite, interest in their daily Bible story all being excellent. I'm so proud of him...I could just bust! Now things get a little more dicey...more independant work and I fear that time managment may be an issue. He is one deliberate person in all aspects. We will see!

The Christmas magic...

Christmas at 5 rocks! This year marks the first time Ivan spoke to and touched Santa! Christmas morning he was excited to look for and find all of the Baby Jesus' around the house. Ahhh...bliss.

The First First Quarter...

Wow, how can this be? Ivan has already completed an entire quarter of Kindergarten? So far he is doing very well in school in all areas. He is excelling at his weekly verse memorization and his counting skills. Next stop college!

A Week of Firsts

Ivan started Kindergarten last Monday. Today he broke his arm on the playground at school. What a week! More to come...

Always with me...

Last night I was blessed. I fell asleep quite quickly considering my prior post. Then the blessing occurred. I dreamed about Sherman ALL NIGHT LONG. God is so good. He sent me the presence that I was longing for the most through the entire night. I slept well and awoke this morning feeling relaxed, refreshed and reconnected to my little man. Thank you for that blessing.

Alone

I sit here tonight in a completely empty house for the first time in almost 13 years of marriage. J and Ivan are at J's parent's house for the night. His parents live about 2 1/2 hours from us and I sent the boys there without me for once. It's been a wonderful, busy and somewhat stressful summer and I needed a little time to myself. Dad's surgery was tough and his hospital recovery was even tougher, but thank the good Lord he is home now and on the mend. He is getting stronger by the day. Ivan participated in swim team for the first time this summer, so many of my days were filled with swim practice and Tuesday evenings were full of the swim meets themselves. Not to mention two sessions of VBS (both execellant). Now the count-down to Kindergarten has begun. Just a little over two weeks until my little man is off to "big boy school". That, however, is for a different time.

Tonight I have enjoyed the silence, the selfish TV time and a good dinner from one of my favorite resturants (and my favorite pino griogio too!). Now, I am off to bed...alone. This is the part of the evening I have not been looking forward to. Not only is J not here to snuggle with but there will be no Sherman at the side of the bed to make me feel safe. When J used to travel for business and I spent many an evening alone, I always had Sherman with me. He would typically (in the old house) stay not under our bed as he usually did when J was home, but he would sleep in his chair that sat right by the front door. Therefore making me feel safe...since no one could get to me without encountering Sherman first. I know that God is in this house protecting me and in a way Sherman is too. However, it still feels a little weird as I am about to crawl into bed knowing that I am totally alone for the first time in my entire married life.

Prayer Request...again

So, my Dad came home from the hospital just over a year ago...a walking miracle. Well, when he left the hospital he had two drains attached to him. One drains the fluid from his pancreas, and the other drains the fluid from his gallbladder. After an infection in his gallbladder, likely caused by the drain, in March where Dad had to spend four long days in the hospital he and his Dr. decided that it was time to remove the drains and redo his "plumbing" inside. He has his surgery Monday morning, June 15 at 7:30 AM.

I'm scared. We've already gotten him back once, will we get him back again? The surgery is pretty major - the least of it being that his gallbladder will be removed and possibly even a portion of his pancreas and spleen. It is scheduled to take anywhere from 4 to 6 hours.

Should you come across this post and feel led to pray for my Dad, thank you. The power of prayer is immeasurable. We serve an Awesome Lord and all things are possible through Him! I pray that it is His will to see Daddy safely through this surgery and recovery and to allow him a full and complete recovery and a long healthy life from here forward.

The Faith of a Child...

Tonight Ivan has blessed our family in two most unexpected ways...

1) He twisted his gum wrapper into a little silver challis (like Nana taught him some time ago). Then he came and found me while I was drying my hair and told me that he would put it on the dinning room table (my parents were coming to dinner and then Mom and I were going to sing at church) and that it was like Jesus' cup from the Last Supper.

2) Then at dinner we asked Ivan to say "his" blessing first. He started off as usual "God is great, God is good..." then, however, he went on to say something that must have been in his heart from the Holy Spirit: "Thank you Jesus for dieing on the cross today for our sins and rescuing us so that we will no longer listen to him." Wow, I was stunned at how much he has been taking in our talk about Jesus dieing for us and about how we are not to listen to Satan, but to God alone.

Thank you Lord for showing me, first hand, the love and faith of a child. Ivan is the greatest blessing I have ever received...thank you, thank you, thank you, a thousand times, thank you.

Growing Up!

Today Ivan turned 5! Where has the time gone and who is this grown-up boy? Happy Birthday little angel. May this next year bring you even more joy than the past 4.

Moving Forward NOT On...

The first couple of days after Sherman passed I just kept saying that I didn't want to go on without him in our lives. I didn't want life to keep going without him in it. I wasn't suicidal or anything, but I just got so upset at the thought of moving on without him. A few days after we lost Sherman J had some much needed words of wisdom for me. He told me that we needed to move forward and not on. We will never stop loving Sherman, or even stop thinking about him...he was truly our first baby. However, we can't stand still. Life does keep going and I must participate in it. Sherman will move forward with me in my heart. We have pictures of him around the house. We bought a beautiful tree in his honor this week that we will plant in the backyard when the weather cooperates. It has beautiful purple flowers that match his collar color. He always wore a purple collar...it looked so nice with his brown and white fur.

He was my buddy and I miss him the most while Ivan is at preschool and after we put Ivan to bed at night. That was always our Sherman time. He would sit on the couch with us or on the bed while we read. Someone came to the door and delivered phone books the other day and I was oblivious until I went to open the door that afternoon. Sherman would never have let someone get that close to the house without letting me know someone was on his turf!

I still get weepy thinking about him and the huge part that he has played in our lives. Every first without him has been met with tears. There are many more firsts to be met, but at least they will be fewer and farther between than the first week.

In time we will get another dog. I will love that dog tremendously I am sure. However, they won't be Sherman and it will never be my first baby again. Sherman was there for me (and J) during a time when we were not certain that we would ever even be able to have children...he was it and he took good care of us during that very difficult time. He licked away countless tears, tolerated being carried more than he really wanted to be and gave us something else to focus on besides ourselves and our grief.

Sherman did not ask much of us. He just wanted to be loved and cared for and we did that to the best of our abilities. He was to the last day just himself and I miss him.

I am in no hurry to get to the Rainbow Bridge just yet. I want to watch Ivan grow and get old with J, but when it is time to go there I will rejoice at seeing my little man running towards me again.

We love you, Sherman, and we miss you more than words can express.

Goodbye, I love you, and I'll see you when I get there.